Archive for the 'kul-cher' Category

dentally challenged

In Oslo, Ole Danbolt Mjoes, chairman of the peace committee, was asked whether the award could be interpreted as criticism of the Bush administration and the United States, which do not subscribe to the Kyoto treaty to cap greenhouse emissions. He replied that the Nobel was not meant to be a “kick in the leg to anyone” — the Norwegian expression for “kick in the teeth.”

“Honey,” said Olaf, “I think the Wildsteins are here.”

“Just give me a second,” said Helga.  “Oh shit!”

There was a crash in the kitchen.  A pool of reindeer stew began to seep around the door.

“What did you do?” yelled Olaf.

“Oh I…shit.  I tried to taste the stew.”

“Out of the pot?  Nobody can kick that high.”

“I know, I just…”

“Honey, they’re here.

“I know, I know,” snapped Helga.  “Just get the door.  This’ll be all right.”

“Olaf mein freunde!  How are you doing?”

“Oh not so bad Klaus.  Matilde, lovely to see you.  I’m afraid Helga had a little accident with the soup.  Do sit down.”

“I can help with anything, no?” asked Matilde.

“No, no, don’t worry about it.  She’ll be right in a minute.  She tried to taste the stew but she isn’t as limber as she used to be.”

“I keep forgetting!” said Klaus.  “Of course, you Norwegians eat through your legs.  It must get difficult if you are as stiff as I am.”

Olaf smiled thinly.

“I mean, I don’t–” Klaus began, “I didn’t mean to give you a kick in the teeth–I MEAN, sorry, leg.  SORRY–“

frightalics

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Proluratol. It’s time to live again.

please think responsibly

The CPS celebrates the revival of its internet access by reminding YOU to celebrate responsibly.

CPS cultural critics have also given this website a .08 on a scale of 1 to 10 for tasteless, idiotic feature writing.

double trouble

Any article with a headline like

“Elvis lookalike ‘bit woman’s arm'”

needs no introduction from us.

However, coming from a place called “Nantyffyllon” may have something to do with it. Biting may be part of the pronunciation.

harshly britical

The inestimable Arts & Letters Daily directs our attention to a bitter/hilarious rant against the behavior of British expatriates in New York.

We were somewhat taken aback at the author’s vituperativity, which the dictionary informs us is really pronounced “vituperativeness”. Actually, we were under the impression that British people were superior to ourselves, but it now seems that was a ruse.

However, we were delighted to learn a new word: “comestibles“. CPS lexicographers were vaguely aware of its existence—from Monty Python sketches in fact—but had heretofore not seen it in a sincere context. We thus commend “comestibles” to your daily use and link ambivalently to the brit-bashing that brought it to us. Blather.

EDIT: Assiduous searching by CPS archivists and guidence from alert readers uncovered this important source-document.

Panda Service theorists suggest it may show that British people really are superior after all.