Maybe it’s only because they’re, like, the smartest people EVER, but apparently college students are narcissistic.

Shocking. We at the CPS aren’t sure what to do about this. We’ll give it some thought as soon as we’ve finished gelling our hair.

On a related note, Panda Service analysts have for some time tried to determine the proper name for the generation to which they and their predominant readership belong. We examined several conventional choices:

  1. The “echo”, or “echo boom” generation. One of several epithets reflective of the “baby boomer” parentage of American humans born since 1980 or so. Though possibly accurate, this is not terribly creative and establishes an unsustainable precedent: shall we refer to our generation’s children as the “reverb” generation? What about “children of a distant muffled thud”?
  2. “Generation Y”. Possibly a reference to the preceding “Generation X”. This too raises troubling sustainability questions. Does “Generation Z” come next? Then what? Admittedly “X” has a certain mystique to it. However, after “Generation X” the whole scheme starts to sound bureaucratic. If we must be so boring as to label each generation alphabetically, surely we should have the good sense to start at the beginning of the alphabet?

The above-linked article, however, introduces the term “millennial generation.” While this garnered favor from a majority of the CPS editorial board, and while its elegant alliterative properties set it apart from the dopey consonance of “Baby Boom” and the strained assonance of “Generation X”, we nonetheless feel obliged to reveal some of its shortcomings.

First, the millennium was, like, so seven years ago. Yeah.

Second, have we forgotten that “millennium” also refers to the period when Jesus returns to the earth and judges everybody? How can the authors of the above-linked article think that our narcissistic generation would enjoy getting judged by ANYBODY, least of all this Jesus dude? Don’t judge. It’s not nice.

Third, is it appropriate to name a generation using a word that most of its members, including myself, can’t spell?

That said, nobody, except possibly me, is perfect, and therefore the CPS feels comfortable allying itself with the “millennial generation”, especially since, barring unforseen circumstances, there won’t be another one for a good hundred years or so, meaning that we get to have a generational epithet as unique as we ourselves.


2 Responses to “me-lennium”

  1. 1 Joseph Shoer March 11, 2007 at 4:12 am

    There’s also the question of whether “Generation Y” was supposed to be the progeny of “Generation X,” when, in fact, aside from teen pregnancies we are related only by chronology.

    In other news, Alden, I just came back from an Eileen Ivers concert. She is pretty fun and jumps around a lot while she fiddles.

  2. 2 jenlinnan March 13, 2007 at 11:05 pm

    I vote for “children of a distant muffled thud.” It sounds mischievous. For example:

    *distant muffled thud*

    “Oh my God, MY ANTIQUE, IRREPLACEABLE [object]!!!”

    “I didn’t do it!!!!!”

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