doggerel

Two dogs sit down next to each other in the veterinarian’s waiting room.

The first, a Chihuahua, looks quizically at the second, a Great Dane.

“Wow,” says the Chihuahua. “You’re huge. You must be really old.”

“Actually no,” replies the Great Dane. “I’m only eleven months. But you’re so tiny you must be only a couple weeks old.”

“Not me,” says the Chihuahua. “I’m eleven months too.”

“Huh,” says the Great Dane. “Well, what are you doing here?”

“Well,” says the Chihuahua, “my mistress walked by me the other day, and all of a sudden, I felt this uncontrollable urge. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d lept at her, wrapped myself around her leg, and started humping. I think she brought me here to get my balls cut off.”

“That’s funny,” says the Great Dane. “Just this morning, I saw my mistress step out of the bathtub and I felt this uncontrollable urge. Before I could stop myself I… well, I mounted her.”

“Heavens!” exclaims the Chihuahua. “Do… do you think they’re going to cut your balls off too?”

“Oh no,” replies the Great Dane. “I’m just here to get my nails clipped.”

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10 Responses to “doggerel”


  1. 2 alden September 5, 2006 at 1:33 pm

    I know. But I like it that it takes a second to realize just how dreadful it really is.

  2. 3 jenlinnan September 5, 2006 at 7:04 pm

    By now you should really have a “genitalia” category on your blog.

  3. 4 Joseph Shoer September 5, 2006 at 7:13 pm

    But THEN what kind of blog would this be?

  4. 5 jenlinnan September 5, 2006 at 8:13 pm

    I don’t know; I guess it depends on what kind of clandestine services the pandas are providing.

  5. 6 jenlinnan September 5, 2006 at 8:17 pm

    …I always thought they were special ops clandestine assassin pandas, like the kind of panda that eats, shoots and leaves, but I guess I was wrong.

  6. 7 alden September 5, 2006 at 9:06 pm

    I never really wanted to bring this up, but the phrase “eats, shoots and leaves” actually pre-dated the eponymous book in my mind as the punchline to a high-school joke involving pandas, in which the panda played a much more sexualized role and the words assumed incredibly vulgar connotations. I’m not entirely sure why I’m bringing it up now, but I guess I just want to show that even when you punctuate a sentence one way, it’s meaning can be comepletely perverted when employed in a sexual context. Suffice it to say that all pandas involved in the making of this blog are normal, upstanding pandas not at all accustomed to one-night stands, and, moreover, the content of this blog is only sexualized when the news of the day makes it so.

  7. 8 jenlinnan September 5, 2006 at 11:04 pm

    I’m never going to look at pandas the same way again.

    THANKS A LOT


  1. 1 Sammy Sullivan Trackback on June 30, 2009 at 5:11 am

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